The Man With A Large Mouth

I think its fair to say that I’ve not had a lot to say as of late. That’s a confusing sentence wouldn’t you say? How many times can I say say before saying say gets annoying? 

Apologies. I’ve decided that I shall start to write some journalism kinda’ stuff again on here as I have neglected something I quite enjoy doing in favour of other illustrious pleasures such as playing on my Xbox and getting drunk. Both of which by the way, are fantastic fun. 

I shall leave this now with my current favourite photo which can ruining people’s childhood memories. Speak soon 

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From a positive introduction which lead to farce, Insidious is a recipe for brilliance which fell at the last hurdle.

From the makers of the Paranormal Activity and Saw franchises, Insidious had some of the 21st Centuries greatest horror minds collectively work together on the script which promised ‘no cliches’ for this film dubbed ‘The scariest film of the year’. Well, I feel let down by the definition of scary as quite frankly Insidious is a joke. 

It appears that somewhere during the script writing process they couldn’t decide on the element which would define its inner meaning and scare factor. Are they writing a possession movie like Paranormal Activity? Are they writing a Sam Raimi rework of Drag Me To Hell? Are they writing a slapstick comedy which you can predict? Or did they throw the kitchen sink at it and hope it wrote itself? The later I think. The fact is Insidious is a combination of all of the above.

It started with a dark film noir-esque style of cinematography which lends itself to horror perfectly and obviously the catalyst of demonic possesion, children. So far so good then? Yes initially. The suspense was developed and then left anticlimactic; leaving the audience in a safe place before the ‘jumpy’ bits began. The suburbia house setting and the quaint American family. Could this happen to someone like us? My family?

And then they move house and it all goes tits. The main flaw in Insidious which wasn’t present in Paranormal Activity, is the fact that you see the gimmicky ‘demons’ from the other realm. Then the typical ‘ghost talker’ with her team of goons and the mother, who just happens to have experienced this before? Please. And then it all goes from bad to worse, climaxing like an unplanned premature orgasm leaving you ashamed you even spent an hour and forty two minutes watching the film in the first place.  

For pure watching factor, Insidious is worth a watch however if you want a film which in my opinion scares you senseless stick to the Paranormal Activity series and avoid this film altogether. 

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Prized possession now. 

It’s not very often that I am choked when I hear of the death of a famous musician. However, this man; isn’t just a musician to me, He’s the reason I play the electric guitar.

Gary Moore was regarded as one of best blue’s guitarists in the world and indeed in Britain. He has collaborated with some of the blues greats. BB King, Albert King and Albert Collins to name three of a large list. His Gibson Les Paul is almost as iconic as his ‘guitar face’ and his use of vibrato and string bending is what made him highyl regarded amongst the blues crowd. Famous songs such as ‘Still Got The Blues’ and ‘Parisienne Walkways’ will always be regarded as fantastic blues ballards.

Gary Moore didn’t play the electric guitar, he’s one of the few guitarists that made his instrument sing. To say we have lost a virtuoso at his instrument and craft just wouldn’t be enough for me. This man was more than that. He was my inspiration to learn the electric guitar. I wanted everything ‘Moore’ at one point. His sound, his image, his style, everything. I modelled my guitar style on him and although it has changed since then, the influence is still undoubtedly there.  I am exceptionally sad that I will never get to see him play again. It was only two weeks ago me and my dad said, “I hope he comes round again soon”. I genuinely feel like there is a piece of me missing in terms of my musicianship. 

If you have never heard of Gary Moore, go and listen to ‘Still Got The Blues’. 

For now, from the bottom of my heart. Rest In Peace Gary Moore.

Last night, I was going through my laptop trying to work out the source of its slowness (it’s definitely not porn) and I found a relic hiding on my C: drive. All of a sudden, it was like I had opened a tap of memories. There is a part of my life which has been a long time dead and I had found it again. It was once so much part of my life that I did it everyday, seven day’s a week, 365 days a year for about 2 years.

Ok, so that might be a little bit of exaggeration however one thing I can say is that when I was fifteen years old; I was a professional at Counter Strike Source. Think of it as one of these people who is unbeatable at Call Of Duty and you have the idea. I played every day and I was mint. I was banned from public servers by my clan name and I loved it, what a nerd.

Although this sounds geeky; it got me thinking how much I miss it. I could never go back to playing it because I am not the same person as that little angry fifteen year old any more but I still have that competitive side in me that made me want to be better. This is more of me remembering some of the fun times. SPOILER ALERT: It’s going to get geeky.

 Here I am: http://www.enemydown.co.uk/userprofile.php?id=80961

That’s me right there, last logged in April 23rd 2006. 

I have kept this part of me quiet because lets face it, It’s pretty embarrassing. I was one of them loner spotty teenagers that sat in front of a computer shooting people from across the globe (in cyberspace wooo). I got really angry when I lost and my parents hated it. It’s funny actually in the sense that I stopped playing once I realised I like girls and they like me (funny how that works).

I’m not going to bum on about my memories or share any with you particular times but I guess what I’m aiming at is, we all have a part of us that we might not want to share. But I looked at myself last night when I found this and I realised that I loved playing Counter Strike and I don’t regret it. 

NERDS FOR THE WIN. (Or ftw… as I remember it)

Thank GOD. 

I’ll allow you this brief second to re-read the title and make sure you are fully aware that you did indeed read it correctly. Yes; for all the boys and girls alike out there, we can now justify the watching of pornography as embracing a public service. If you require a second level of justification; you can just mention the words ‘Cambridge’ and ‘Union’ and that should just about clear up any level of misunderstanding between you and your partner when they catch a glimpse of a seemingly innocent internet history. 

This revelation has come about from a Union debate at Cambridge where famous porn stars and porn addicts are giving their opinions on porn. Johnny Anglais; or as he is more affectionately known; Jonny Cockfill (see what they did there?) is heading up the debate (no pun intended) as he is a disgraced public school teacher who was forced to leave his job after his second life as a stripper and porn actor was discovered last year. Also on the power to the porn side, there is Anna Span (real name Anna Arrowsmith) who is a Lib Dem candidate yet award winning porn director (first time Lib Dem’s have won anything) and Jessi Fischer. 

Obviously wherever there is nakedness involved, there is always the strong anorak opposition. Indeed, the porn team has its opposition. One ex-porn star turned vigorous pornography campaigner, a feminist writer who is responsible for the ‘Stop Porn Culture’ group and a child psychologist who says porn has a negative effect on adolescence. 

Whichever side of the fence you may sit on, you can’t help but admire the level of hilarity around the whole situation. You’d of thought Cambridge Union would have more life changing situations to talk about like politics (ha ha). As for it being a public service; what can we say? It’s been developing teenagers and upsetting unsuspecting parties for years and for this reason, Porn: it’s here to stay.

I am very excited to announce that this is the band I’ve been telling you all about. We’re called Silent Circus. And you should definitely check us out on Facebook and come see us on February 15th at the Student Union.

Hello, I’m back! It’s been a while! Here’s my take on things!

Let’s face it, lyrics these days suck. If that Ke$ha lyric for Tik Tok (spelt with a dollar sign because she’s down with the kids) doesn’t prove it I don’t know what will.  It seems to have been a growing trend in the past couple of years that lyrics are gradually getting worse and worse. I bet that whilst reading this, you’ve already thought of at least three. I played a game with my housemates to see if we could name a list. It was entertaining yet painful to think music these days requires almost no effort. This lovely collection of six are my favourite cringe-worthy lyrics. Obviously, with such a volume of effortless dross, it’s impossible to include some of the hidden abysmal gems. Is there a future for decent lyrics? Well, based on these, it would appear not:

1.       “Feeling so fly, Like a G6” – Far East Movement

Somebody once told me that a lyric has to be catchy and have a decent hook to entice the listener. This lyric doesn’t make sense unless you’re an aviation expert.  Indeed, a G6 is an aeroplane (knowledge bomb).  It’s more commonly known as a Gulfstream G650 but I’m not sure that would have worked in the context of this lyric do you. “I’m so fly, like a Gulfstream G650”, doesn’t have the same ring to it. Thanks to this wonderful song, G6 is now in the urban dictionary which means I encourage you to use it more in conversation. “Man you look so G6 in those jeans”…. Please.

2.       “Oh na, na, whats my name?” – Rihanna ft. Drake

Does this really need explaining? I’m not sure it does. Rihanna has turned forgetful after asking to be the only girl in the world. Picky isn’t she.

3.       “Boom, even brighter than the moon” – Katy Perry

Now I like Katy Perry but this is unforgivable. She’s sat down and gone, “Hmm, what rhymes with boom. I know, moon?” NO KATY, that doesn’t even make sense. How are moon and boom even related?

4.       “I would catch a grenade for ya, throw my hand on a blade for ya, I’d jump in front of a train for ya” – Bruno Mars

Nobody is denying this man is a serious hit with the ladies. I am also not denying that his singing voice is simply outstanding. But one does have to question the pain and motive involved in this lyric. It’s a bit grim if you ask me and totally over the top. I like to apply this lyric to Call Of Duty (because I’m sad) and say “I would catch a grenade for ya then press RB and throw it back”. You have to love someone a lot to catch a grenade.

5.       “I put her number in my bold BB. I’ve got a black BM, she got a white TT” – SHM Ft. Tinie Tempah

This song is a gem for shoddy writing. First reason; blatant rhyming usually means rubbish lyrics (See Katy Perry for lessons). Second reason; this doesn’t even make grammatical sense. Not unless you’re a gangster and third and final reason it’s been written by Tinie Tempah who invents words. He isn’t Mozart with a pencil.  I could have picked, “Uhh, scene one. Everybody get in your positions. Pay attention, and listen. We’re tryna (not even a word!) get this in one take, so let’s try and make that happen. Take one, action”.

6.       “I whip my hair back and forth (Just whip it)” – Willow

Now, forget the fact that this is Will Smith’s daughter.  If we take Mr. Smith into consideration we would have to say this is cool, as he is terribly cool.  Can we hold Willow Smith responsible for this atrocity? I’m going to say no because we simply can’t forget how cool her dad is. God damn you Will Smith.

It would be fair to say there are so many more out there that I haven’t mentioned but I’m sure you can think of some. I could have picked Cheryl Cole to name one of many (singing in French doesn’t get you off the hook) but for now, those are my favourites. Bring back proper lyric writing, not this crap.

Ciao for now!